Life isn´t a Fairytale , darling.

I wanted to write bout that for so long now.

Now i decided to do.

Divorce .

Yes my parents are seperated for about 7 months now  and it feels so far away

that I can´t barely remember how I used to go downstairs and see my dad at the table .

I can remember how we all fought and when they didn´t shout at each other they shouted at me .

And it was difficult for me , a little difficult.

Sometimes u just want to fly away .

When I was a little girly watching Hollywood Movies I always saw that american Children who find the letter from the divorceservice .

And I thought oh that´s never going to happen to me .

And we never were that happy clappy Family.

But I guess we were happy.

And when people heard about that they all were shocked because of the light way i told them.

And if they asked me if I want them to come togehter again I answered with a strict NO!

Because my head already hurt when I imagine them living under one roof.

I won´t say that it was so dramatic don´t imagine my mum throwing plates on the floor 

and my dad shouting and going wild.

It was silent , it was opressing but it wasn´t Hollywood .

And I wasn´t the child that got to know their decision in the last moment .

I knew it for so long.

And I just wanted to move out faster.

And so we did .

I came after MAchane from that perfect happy world into hard realism.

It was hard sure it was.

But I smiled to everyone and it was o.k .

It was hard to be the person telling my mum that everything´s gonna work out and dry her tears while holding mine back.

BUt woah I survived and my mum survived.

I hadn´t problems with deciding where to live .

I mean I like my dad but mum is  mum .

Sometimes I wish to wake up and see the view from my old room . Seeing forests and Fields .

Hearing birds and not the road.

And hugging dad .

But I think it´s good how it is and it was Hashem´s plan for me.

I am not a little child anymore I understand what´s going on ,

but very often I wish I couldn´t .

I can´t say I´m not happy, and I can´t say that my parents fon´t love me enough .

I love my parents and I always will together or not.

I had a wonderfull childhood and they gave me everything I needed.

But sometimes I want my old life back.

Just open my window and see my parents happy together.

But time passes and everything loeses it´s magic after a while.

I always say it doesn´t matters to me.

BUt it does and it hurts me .

But I know I can´t do anything so I try to be happy.

And it works out.

So I just close my eyes and hope that my children will never have to suffer from that like i did.

So Today is Shabbes and I can forget everything , while eating Ice Cream with my bestie Milo !

I <3 U




 And be happy with ur life it could be worse,