My very own life

we have voices 

and stories 

and plans 

and dreams and ideas.

 we have hope. 

we will wake up tomorrow to a day that has never been known. we are living a life that has never been lived. 

we are here for a reason. 

we exist to love and be loved.

 life comes back. things do change. storms do pass.

Tell me who I am please.

Sometimes
 I ask myself
 what I´ll remember about my adolescence
 when I´ll grow up ,
When I´ll sit down with my own children ,
drinking hot chocolate and looking at me with their big eyes.
Will I really remember how I stood in the synagouge
 waiting for a friend and felt what Kavannah really means ,
feeling like I would start crying right now,
feeling the tears coming up ur heart.
Will I remember how I went to Am Echad Machane ,
thinking that this would be the perfect life,
crying for it and not wanting to understand that that isn´t life.
Will I remember lying in bed with my Best Friend all day long,
and talking about our perfect wedding plans,
promising each other to be 2gether forever ( like in a High-school movie)
Will I remember my first Regina Spektor Song ,
I fell in love with ?
And sang all day ,
till i head no voice and breathe ,
falling into bed in the evening
and waking up depressed.
Asking myself wasn´t it all a dream?
A dream of my own personal happyness?
And will I remember this exact Moment ?
Writing my blog,
searching for freedom and true friendship.
It´ll seem like the entry of a normal naive 15-year old,
who´s in this famous ``self-searching-phase``
and maybe everyone will think she´s just like the other teenagers
but I really don´t know who I am.
And this is what´s killing me everyday.
I just know that I wanna be happy.
But who doesn´t ???
<3