Enlighten your heart: September 2011

I´m such a messy blogger .
I´m never posting :D
and if u read my blog u might think that I´m kinda depressed gal ...
But right now I am happy (: as I am most of the time b´´h :)
So yeah ... School is really hard right now , always keeps me busy and makes me very nervous because I am so afraid to fail.
Even though my mum proclaimed that she´s not gonna care for my school anymore ( not in a bad destructive way but rather in a neutral way) I kinda realized what I knew all those years.
That I have to do well to have success in live and that´s what I´m trying to do .
Even if it sounds weird for me to say that :
I love school !
Not that I adore it , but I guess life would be pretty boring without it.
Everyday you learn lots of stuff , even if it´s boring sometimes there are times when it´s really interesting.
For this year I had to choose profiles , and courses so that I´m not with my class anymore but with random people from my grade mixed up . So I almost,just have subjects i like ( besides from biology an maths ..)
So in the first weeks it was kinda akward and even I (!) was afraid to reallyl participate in lessons bc I was afraid to say smth wrong.
But now I got it and in most of the classes I am doing not super well but not bad (as for the beginning)
I really have to spend more time learning even if I am so knocked out after school , bc I really listen and participate in EVERY lesson now and it makes my brain smoke sometimes...
So most of the time I am to lazy to learn and do anything and that´s a very bad attitude so I´ll have to work on it.

And also.... there´s this very very very veryyyyyyyyyyyyyy cute guy in my class who is sitting right next to me in history and is so super intelligent , always knowing all the answers .With this super symphatic smile that makes me melt down ...
Lately we started talking about school stuff and now everytime I see him anywhere he smiles at me like mad and I just fall for him . OMG .
It´s not that I am actually in love with him , I´m really not but he is just such an interesting person , so intelectual and he doesn´t really pay attention to being cool or snobby he´s just the kind of guy I miss in nowadays society that u can talk to without starting a realationship.
And as well there is the fact that I am a religious girlie and I will definetly not change my principles to have fun with some boyfriend ( even if he is really different) but as Rabbi Wallenstein so wisely says :
Every girl comes to me and says the popular 3 words.
HE IS DIFFERENT .
But all in all they´re all the same .
So the positive side of that all is that bc he is is so super intelligent he makes me point up all the time and say intelligent things too bc I want him to think that I´m smart too. :D
My mum would already love him for this , i guess :D
So in Judaism there are all these beautifull rules like Shomer Negiah which u have a desire to break 24/7 but make it easier for u to controll urself and I am gratefull for that.
Because I know that in nowadays and especially in my generation´s youth there is no place for my idea of a pure platonic realationship where you go out for a coffee at 4 pm come back before sunset and discuss politics and literature.
So I can just dream of having him for my own ...
Even though I already imagined him in a kippa considering conversion .. and in that imagination he looked pretty well , i think it would stand him :DD
Awwwww... <3

Will be sooo funny to read this in 5 years :DD

Enlighten your heart

Donnerstag, 22. September 2011

he is different...

Montag, 5. September 2011

Don´t panic...