Childhood Cancer.

Cancer is a really hard and sadly common disease.
Sadly many people are sick and not everyone survives that battle.
In the last days I read a few blogs of patrents handling with their children having cancer .


That breaks my heart , looking at pics of that little beautifull fragile cuties laying in the hospital with that medical things all around them.
And they smile .
They smile the purest and lovliest smile .
I have no children and maybe I cannot imagine how it feels for parents but if this pictures bring me to tears even after 100 times looking on them I can.


Sure adults deal with cancer too and it´s sad it´s really sad .
In my friends family someone lost the battle .
And it´s so hard losing a loved one.


But that are children .
They just started living , they have so much to discover , they have to love they have to laugh and to play with friends.


And I pray for them everyday and I hope u do also !


But it´s Hashem ruling the world and every sick child maybe already finished it´s mission.
http://prayfordaisy.com/ ! Check that out and pray for that sweetheart .


This Shabbat should be special .
And I hope u will also pray for them with tears in ur eyes and hope they will be recovered and carefree .


As children should be .

'Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord;  O Lord, hear my voice.  Let your
ears be attentive to my cry for mercy.

it´s my favourite passage from the holy book. So authentic and heartbreaking.

                                oh gosh soo cuute <3

It´s Valentine´s day

So today is Valentine´s day and evryone is like OMG
I don´t think much of that.
I mean i think it was just invented to make money , sell roses and chocolates.




People if u love someone tell him everyday , every second not just today.
That´s funny.

That pic a really close lovely friend of mine sent me .:)
Love that !



Mila, Ewa, Emilia, Sophie and all my other dearest lovliest friends all over the world.
I LOVE U !

It´s not about the Greats , it´s just about the feelings that come across.

Oh is Impulsiveness an illness ?
Can I cure myself ?
Is it that bad ?
I mean oh I always put my whole emotions and my whole heart in things I like.
And if I´m so into that I can´t handle with critics.
Oh man.


Today I had English lesson.
I love English and I love speaking English .
And that´s the only thing I can say I´m really good in and doing it with great pleasure.
But I always fight with all my English teachers.
I don´t even know why.
But with that new one I was pretty good.
But she always gets something to tell  me I´m too bad .
Once she tells me I talk to long .
The other time she tells me she doesn´t like my behavious even if I´m just asked for a pen .
I mean she is nice and I don´t wanna say she´s not.
That type of super motivated blondy´s who want to tell us that we learn for us not for them.
Somewehere between in the end of their 20´s and in the beginning of their 30´s.
And all people like her .
But I don´t know why I can´t come along with her.


Maybe it´s not because of her , maybe it´s just because of my own emotional instability.
But I am f.cked up.
And today she looks at me and say´s : 
`` I´m annoyed by ur Behaviour , Rebekka.``
And I did NOTHING! 
I just look at her and say nothing even if I wanted.
And she say´s :
`` Just roll ur eyes that makes it better ``
CAn u believe that ??
I was so hyper inside I almost cried.
I just hate false judgements !


And she tells me I´m not good enough for being a very good English student.
But do I want too much , by being just very good in one damn thing in my damn life?
I work for it and I believe that I can and than some blondy-teacher comes across and tells me I can´t.
It´s just like if soemone beats u into ur face.
And say´s:
Wake up honey, u are just one of all these grey people whos simply exist .
U aren´t worth anything.


And that´s what noone understands it´s not that stupid English Great.
It´s just that I want to do or know something I could be proud of.
People say everyone´s got a talent .
But I´m jsut tired of searching.
I´m just tired and sad. 
Sad that´s all.


But now I´m listening to that , that makes my life a little brighter.

Holden back Wings

So much happened ,

so much to write about .

But I´m not in the mood ,

I´m to lazy to write it down , to share it with the world .

All I can say is that I feel :

Like a bird in a cage

I try so hard but I can´t fly away.

``A man is just a man,

Filled of faults and weakness,

Four A.M. Jerusalem all alone and speechless.

Nighttime, nobody's home, roam streets in darkness.

I feel I'm just a man, flesh and bones, homeless.``

Matisyahu u make my days again and again <3

Photoshoot: Special Guest : The SUN

<3 The important thing about taking good pictures ,

is not the high definition camera 

It´s the emotions u put into every single pic. <3

Oh sun I missed u so much <3

Just like authentic pictures ;)

Everyone keeps on telling me my eyes were brown.
But the sun shows their GREEN !
Yeeeey

Green eyes

Honey you are the sea
Upon which I float
And I came here to talk
I think you should know 

Yeeey ! ;DD

I don't need to glorify,
Ate the apple of the tree and tried to lie,
In the garden ill remember
That's when I started to sing
I said death brings life into uncertain things,

I´m a DIVA!

Can I go and search myself plese?

U don´t always have to smile on pictures,

The End .

Marilyn Oh Marilyn ...

‎

"I believe that everything happens for a reason.

 People change so that you can learn to let go. 

Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re 

right. 

You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but 

yourself,

 and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can 

fall together."

♥

Marilyn Monroe

 

``Everything , Everything .``

That stuck in my head for that whole day

I went around saying everything everything..

Gosh Marilyn .

Oh Marilyn

How I wish u were here now.

A diva to talk to 

U hated being a thing 

Ur Thoughts so deep

Oh why did u have to die Honey.

``It´s better to be unhappy alone

than unhappy with someone -

so far.

There was my name up in lights.

 I said, 'God, somebody's made a mistake.' 

But there it was, in lights. And I sat there and said,

 'Remember, you're not a star.' 

Yet there it was up in lights. 

No one ever told me I was pretty when I was a little girl. 

All little girls should be told they're pretty, even if they aren't. 

U were a Star in Hollywood 

Now U are a star in Heaven

And the world loves u like crazy !

Why is everybody so obsessed ?

LOve can´t buy us happyness.

So wise words in such a commercial  song .

WOW

Aren´t they adorable.?!

But I believe u can love me
 not for who I am but for who I could be .

Life isn´t a Fairytale , darling.

I wanted to write bout that for so long now.

Now i decided to do.

Divorce .

Yes my parents are seperated for about 7 months now  and it feels so far away

that I can´t barely remember how I used to go downstairs and see my dad at the table .

I can remember how we all fought and when they didn´t shout at each other they shouted at me .

And it was difficult for me , a little difficult.

Sometimes u just want to fly away .

When I was a little girly watching Hollywood Movies I always saw that american Children who find the letter from the divorceservice .

And I thought oh that´s never going to happen to me .

And we never were that happy clappy Family.

But I guess we were happy.

And when people heard about that they all were shocked because of the light way i told them.

And if they asked me if I want them to come togehter again I answered with a strict NO!

Because my head already hurt when I imagine them living under one roof.

I won´t say that it was so dramatic don´t imagine my mum throwing plates on the floor 

and my dad shouting and going wild.

It was silent , it was opressing but it wasn´t Hollywood .

And I wasn´t the child that got to know their decision in the last moment .

I knew it for so long.

And I just wanted to move out faster.

And so we did .

I came after MAchane from that perfect happy world into hard realism.

It was hard sure it was.

But I smiled to everyone and it was o.k .

It was hard to be the person telling my mum that everything´s gonna work out and dry her tears while holding mine back.

BUt woah I survived and my mum survived.

I hadn´t problems with deciding where to live .

I mean I like my dad but mum is  mum .

Sometimes I wish to wake up and see the view from my old room . Seeing forests and Fields .

Hearing birds and not the road.

And hugging dad .

But I think it´s good how it is and it was Hashem´s plan for me.

I am not a little child anymore I understand what´s going on ,

but very often I wish I couldn´t .

I can´t say I´m not happy, and I can´t say that my parents fon´t love me enough .

I love my parents and I always will together or not.

I had a wonderfull childhood and they gave me everything I needed.

But sometimes I want my old life back.

Just open my window and see my parents happy together.

But time passes and everything loeses it´s magic after a while.

I always say it doesn´t matters to me.

BUt it does and it hurts me .

But I know I can´t do anything so I try to be happy.

And it works out.

So I just close my eyes and hope that my children will never have to suffer from that like i did.

So Today is Shabbes and I can forget everything , while eating Ice Cream with my bestie Milo !

I <3 U




 And be happy with ur life it could be worse,

Hey ,
I had so much thoughts about writing a post that they overhelmed me so so much that I won´t take none of them.
Today is the last day of our 2-day vacation.
I have to make loads of schoolwork and go to the city to get something.
on sunday I saw a movie which is called : Man on Fire.
And even if it was lots and lots of action scenes which i normally totally dislike.
That is a movie which is so cute and so lovely I can´t even tell.
If u just leave that there is a little girly kidnapped in Mexico and her Bodyguard searches for the kidnappers to kill them .
It´s a story about humans love and how far u can go if u just love,love,love!
I cried so hard in the end this little girl in the arms of that strong Afro-American crying and saying how much she loves him.
There is something I learned from that movie like from no other.
Love, Love , Love it could be ur last chance to tell someone how precious he is and how sad ur live was without him.

Pita & Creasy

Isn´t that cute ? I can´t, I´m dying of cuteness. 

These days I´m missing Sophie because she went to Prague ( to meet Golem :DD)

And yesterday sitting watching another movie with my mummy my cell phone made such a loud sound that I even heard it while it was lying in the kitchen.

Which is not normal because normally my phone is always soundless.

So I went to look who was writing me at 10 pm .

And it was a message from Sophie !

I was so so happy :))

Because U know it´s not just a message it´s a sign that someone thought about u and even just for a minute writing me those few words I felt so special :)

And now listening to Adele´s - Hometown Glory and feeling so lonely.

Maybe that sounds stupid from the mouth of a 15 year old but I want to grow up and I want to have a husband who will care about me and tell me he loves me a 1000 times a day and sweet children who will look up to me and say they wished to be as me when they grow up.

And they would die of me kissing and hugging them all day long .:)

I know I´m crazy.

Going to Berlin for Jewrovision soon . So happy to see my cutie Pies from Machane and Midrasha again.

And I have to try to meet some people from Midrasha on Sunday if not I guess I´ll miss the train to meet them :DD

I miss u so much I can´t tell , I could explode of missing.

My heart cut in pieces.

Oy veyy.