To all that people who I can´t forget , but they can as I see

I´m feeling so lost .

First I was so happy about the message that told me that I can go to Midrasha again .

And I am till now.

And I gratefully thank all people who made this possible and kept me in mind .

BARUCH HASHEM!

BUt I kinda feel my life slipping away from me .

And I can´t handle with that.

I mean I won´t write what bothers me because some people could pút to much interpretation into that.

But I just hate loosing connection whether  it´s in school or in Private Life.

I mean it´s normal that if you don´t see people your connection to them gets worse than this person´s connection to someone he see´s 2 weeks in a row.

And now I am feeling so ... i don´t know leached out from life as whole .

I don´t like that feeling when you see everything slipping away , people forgetting how much u meant to them 

and people who are so close forgetting about missing u and loving to talk to u.

Yes maybe I just have a bad day and hormonal librations but i don´t feel good right now.

And I really wish now there would be someone telling me how much I mean to him and how odd life would be without me .

But I look around and just see emptiness.

The same emptiness  I see everyday.

O.k it´s 7.03 am now and I can´t say I have plenty time for writing that post .
But here we go :
This last week and the new following are one of the most stressfull and overplanned weeks of my schoollife .
I mean after Maths , French and German exams this week is even more horrible
Chemistry today Biology tomorrow and Physics (arghhh ) on wednesday .
Man , how should i survive this ?
I worry too much really , I even had a nervous tick for like 2 r 3 days .


But then I decided , the only thing I can do is learn and believe that I´m gonna pass it.
Life is not just school
LIfe is not just being the best
And gaining the best greats
It´s about being happy and enjoying every breath .

SO I decided if I fail I will fail with a smile and Happyness ,
sure i´ll learn more for the next exam but all u have to do is
To live and love every moment of ur life !



There are also 2 Things I quitt now till Purim next week .
It´s another week no Fb and no Mascara .
Sounds a littlestrange i know ,
but I decided that this are addictions
Fb is a super addiction ,
and Mascara too , Because I am the kind of person who has really few and really bright lashes ( I mean for my haircolor)
So that leads to the fact  that I can´t look in the mirror because I´m looking like a half dead ,drug addicted fish
to myself.
And before I end up like all that girlies who can´t even go to the bakery on the other side of the street without putting tons of Make up on .
I´ll have a little break here ;)

So this two things are addictions and I don´t wanna be addicted to anything .
I am free , free like a waterfall .
And I am Rebekka A. I´m neither RebekkaMila Yahuu
or Rebekka with false lashes .
I am me and I love it ;)

I´m runnin out of time so I have to go and daven a little before school ;)
Gonna write more about my super exciting next week later ;)
Wish me luck for this science week .

And don´t forget to put on a smile and be gratefull to the One who will always love and support you .
Baruch Hashem !

And the dreams that you dreamed of

Once in a lullaby ii ii iii

Somewhere over the rainbow

Blue birds fly

And the dreams that you dreamed of

Dreams really do come true ooh ooooh

Someday I'll wish upon a star

Wake up where the clouds are far behind me ee ee eeh

Where trouble melts like lemon drops

High above the chimney tops thats where you'll find me oh

Somewhere over the rainbow bluebirds fly

And the dream that you dare to,why, oh why can't I? i iiii

<3 <3 <3

Just one thing.

I am tired !
I am tired of studying.
I am tired of being happy (pretending on being happy .)
I am tired of hearing lies .
I am tired of being judged .
I am tired of being critizised .
I am tired of missing friends.
And most of all I am tired of pretending on being someone else.


No I am not always happy .
And I´m not always laughing .
And I am really tired of hearing NONSENSE all f.cking day long.


People , can´t we talk about something REAL?
CAn´t we make a difference in the world ?


CAn´t we all work on ourselves ?
Be better people and just freakin´


LOOOOOVE each other ,
JUst for being humans and breathing the same air ?


I am always told that i have to start at myself , so I start there .
But please start too.


Start being better to the world beside u.
Even if it´s just because I ask u.


Love, LOve , Love !


Tomorrow it could be late .
WHy don´t u understand ?
:/


It could be late.

So much to write about.
I was on a Zwst Machane which was really cool but SO not my Life .
And now it feels so funny how that really non-religious event brought me closer to my faith .
Shabbes : You look around and everyone sits there typing sms or playing some game on their cell phones .
And u ask urself why don´t they see Shabbes from ur perspective ?
Why don´t they feel like it was the day of love the day of joy ?
WHy don´t their hearts beat higher when they hear Lecha Dodi ?
It is so sad. 
I met two girls who i knew from Am Echad this year .
Two really cute 12 year olds i really had missed .
And one of them leaned over to me at Shabbes and told me that she feels so sorry for me not beeing jewish and that she sees how much it means to me and how i love judaism that she feels sorry that she can´t give me her Judaism.
That really brought tears into my eyes .
She´s such a kitty.
And as we were the only who washed their hands before the bread we went together.
They didn´t know anything bout Jewishkeit before that summer .
And in the moments i convince them to go and wash their hands with me and from their sweet mouths comes the bracha i just feel like all my wishes came true and it´s the most beautifull moment of my life .
And it breaks my heart that they don´t love it like i do .
I want to see their eyes sparkle when they talk about Shabbes .
And their heart jumping out hearing 600 people singing Shma .
How I love that , my love could light up the whole world.
But there are people and institutions that won´t let me ,
and it´s sad , not for them but for the thousands of jewish children .




Our train was delayed and i was truly afraid that we would be late for Shabbes .
But then i said to Mila : We have to pray .
So she started to say Shma and the train started rolling .
CAn U imagine ??
In that freaking moment .
Thank u HaSHem for that . 
That u show us your face of glory in moments we need u .
Because all I wanted was to see Sophie .
Dear i hope u read that .
I miss u and it was so cool to just walk around and talk to you that i miss u even more now.
I hope the Shabbes plans will work out.
Because there is still so much to tell and to hear .
I love u so so so much like just few people .
I wish u everything good in that world and I believe u deserve it !
So just be happy and continue beeing u !


And it feels so bad to come home from any trip like that .
Just people around u that are cold , cold ,cold.
No warmth in their eyes or hearts , at least not for me .
And everything i can do is just try to smile to everyone and warm them up.
Last evening i thought bout that .
Isn´t that what Shma says?

And these words that I command you today shall be in your heart.

V'shinan'tam l'vanekha v'dibar'ta bamAnd you shall teach them diligently to your children, and you shall speak of them

b'shiv't'kha b'veitekha uv'lekh't'kha vaderekh uv'shakh'b'kha uv'kumekha when you sit at home, and when you walk along the way, and when you lie down and when you rise up.

to show off HaShem´s love everywhere and make the world a better place , on the street at home and in school and everywhere .
So let´s try maybe we can let the world shine !

Childhood Cancer.

Cancer is a really hard and sadly common disease.
Sadly many people are sick and not everyone survives that battle.
In the last days I read a few blogs of patrents handling with their children having cancer .


That breaks my heart , looking at pics of that little beautifull fragile cuties laying in the hospital with that medical things all around them.
And they smile .
They smile the purest and lovliest smile .
I have no children and maybe I cannot imagine how it feels for parents but if this pictures bring me to tears even after 100 times looking on them I can.


Sure adults deal with cancer too and it´s sad it´s really sad .
In my friends family someone lost the battle .
And it´s so hard losing a loved one.


But that are children .
They just started living , they have so much to discover , they have to love they have to laugh and to play with friends.


And I pray for them everyday and I hope u do also !


But it´s Hashem ruling the world and every sick child maybe already finished it´s mission.
http://prayfordaisy.com/ ! Check that out and pray for that sweetheart .


This Shabbat should be special .
And I hope u will also pray for them with tears in ur eyes and hope they will be recovered and carefree .


As children should be .

'Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord;  O Lord, hear my voice.  Let your
ears be attentive to my cry for mercy.

it´s my favourite passage from the holy book. So authentic and heartbreaking.

                                oh gosh soo cuute <3