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A sky without bounds

Time runs , it runs without looking back , without bounds.

And so I run , but I look back and my mind is my boundry , in a sky without boundrys

I haven´t written for so long now that I feel a part of me is lost .

And the funny thing about that is that i thought out new blog posts every day , adding them up and thinking, thinking, thinking !

And never wrote one of them in real.

So here I go.

I can´t imagine how much changes can aproach in one´s life in just one month.

Springvacation passed almost so long ago that I have trouble remembering all my feelings about that.

But I can remember that I spend almost all of my vacations in LITHUANIA.

Lithuania isn´t the land of my dreams, it hasn´t a good economy and it hasn´t extraordinairy things in it.

But I love Lithuania so much ,my heart jumps out of my chest, when I just close my eyes and imagine it´s smell.

Eastern-Europe , the place where everything is grey but green, boring , but filled with so many adventures.

It´s dirty,it´s unsorted , but it has it´s charme and it´s cuteness that lifts up my mind .

And above all Lithuania contains the most sweet , amazing and lovliest people of the world.

And I had the honor of spending wonderfull days with them.

But these days gave me much things to think about , and also loads of doubt.

Is this , what  I am doing to my life really right ?

I can remember the feeling of someone dropping off ur blinders that u now realize have been wearing for almost 2 years .

And suddenly u see the world again.

U can see ur right and ur left that u haven´t seen for so long.

And I soaked in all the right´s and the left´s .

And I felt my soul cut in pieces .

Orthodox Judaism is a blinder, and I don´t say that in a judging way.

But it is , u don´t see the world , u just see the right way , ur right way, the way of Tora and G-d.

The only problem is that in this timne I didn´t know if I want that blinder that much , while realizing that the World is so beautifull and so full of unseen places undone things and unlived moments.

I spend time with people who don´t really understand my decisions even if I believe they are trying with their whole hearts, and at this time i begann thinking about my decisions and about how much my life really changed.

But I came home and I realized that this is what I want and that I just can´t imagine a life without Mitzvot and Hashem who lights up my soul every day.

And now as I sit on my balcony , eating Ice cream from my new kosher bowl , I feel the sun going down at the horizon , and I hear Hashem whispering words of encouragement which light up my heart with trustfullness and the ultimate of belief.

These days there is so much Happyness around me .
And I am happy I am hyper happy for all that happy people .
But the more people find each other the morei feel lonely .
And i feel like there is missing something.
Sure there are many people now who I am friends with now , but what will be in a half year ?
Will they remember me ?
Will they still talk to me the way they do now ?

I am afraid .
Yes i really am .
All I want is to have people to love and be loved in return and the more I see love
the more I realize that love is all we need

And I just see people fading away from me and for a heart it´s hard to give persons up.
But I think I am strong enough ;)

Everything is for it´s time and HAshem knows how to lead us and what I need.
MAybe i needed this people more a while ago.

I have to be happy for them and yes I am mixed with a little melancholy these days.

<3 that

To the one who cherishes my words :*

Yes I do admire many people ,my close people .

And I can´t help myself loving my closest ones with my whole heart.

That´s what makes my Person , that is what makes me who  I am .

I love caring, i love leaving notes and making other things just knowing that someone will be happy about them

And i believe that this is enough reason to make them , and u will not die or loose ur lifetime if u just write someone something nice just to show that u are thinking about him and caring.

 At the moment I see my life changing more than ever , I see how I have grown and how others have.

There is still so much to say to write and to think of that my blog is not enough .

But the resumee of these last days is just :

Love the people who can love u back .

Because that feels better.

And look after ur words they could mean so much to others and so less to soemones.

And sure : Don´t forget to say I love u to people who cherish ur words.

And don´t forget who u are and how others could feel about your words.

Good Shabbes world.

I love u Mila <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

My one and only best of the best friends in the whole world.

WHat would I be without u ? 

Goya Festival :DD

I love u honeyyyyy

Shabbes is so near I can almost touch it.

And it will be an amazing Shabbos just us two in Osnabrooklyn like in the Old times we use to forget.

The good old times .

I miss them , just u and me and nothing else ( except from Ben and Jerry  love the two guys ;DD )

TAlking trough the nights , spacking and laughing 

U are my sunshineeeeeeeeeeeeeee ! 

And I love u more and more and more than anything ! :******

Attention

I wrote the beginning of this post for 20.000.000. times now and I can´t find the right words.

I just came from school and have to go in 10 minutes .

So this is what I thought about the whole day now.

And I have to say that I don´t know how to handle with that without my blog.

But I also know that people will understand what I mean.

But u know i don´t care.

I don´t care .

Yesterday was my Birthday .

It was nothing special , 

Some people said HAppy B-day just to be polite 

Some said it with their love warming me up 

And others didn´t say it at all.

They didn´t care.

Okay it´s just a Birthday and I am not trying to do a Drama of it .

But yes it is my Birthday .

And I believe that I deserve at least a happy b-day on my facebook wall.

No ?

I just can´t say how disappointed I am of some people .

Yes it´s just two words.

Just a little geste to show someone you care about him.

And why can people from some paralel classes do that ,

who I don´t even spoke to once?

Why ?

ANd why are u pretending on being my friend and want me to be ur´s 

when u just forget or better don´t care about my B-day ?

I can understand that people have no time 

The time is running and there are things more important than some 16 year old´s

But why don´t u understand what that means to me ?

Why don´t u think about that I could be sad ?

O.K let´s be honest u don´t think anything.

ANd maybe it´s better this way .

Everybody has to learn what Disappointment means.

But I am speechless.

Iam just speechless.

It´s just that little bit of attention .

Why can I put effort in making u happy `?

Paper,Time, Effort and Love .

And now i understand that it´s waisted it´s waisted.

SO yeah u know maybe i should keep my heart and my attention to people 

who really care and think about me .

ANd don´t just tell so , when they need u.

I sure love u , if i didn´t it wouldn´t hurt me that much it does.

And i´ll try to do not care.

I´ll try .

Birthday wishes

Yes today is my Birthday :))

But i have to say every year it loses more and more of it´s magic and now I don´t even care about the presents .

I just love this day because it shows me that I am loved , even just a tiny bit.

And all I want for myself next year is just two things.

Love and Faith.

Because I belive that tha´s the two main things about life.

I hope that my faith into the King of the world won´t ever disappear 

and he will know what´s right and what´s wrong for me.

That I will go my way .

And always feel his loving help in my heart and in my mind.

And I want that there will always be people loving me 

accepting me and believeing in me .

Because human can´t survive without love .

And I belive that all the other things in life will come with this two 

and that I will neer forget who I am and who I wanna be .

For that I can make my dreams come true and live my life  like Rebekka Averbach.

Grow in Spirit and grow in heart and always be myself .

When u reach for the stars don´t forget who u are.

I won´t say much today .

My closest people know what´s wrong .

It feels like Haiti and Japan in Unison crashing in my head , My life is upside down and I don´t know where I am.

Sometimes we reach out for the stars and all we get is the air surrounding us or the leaf of the nearest tree.

But we want the stars ,

We think the stars are beautifull

and we don´t see that the tree isn´t less beautifull.

We wanna have loads and loads of perfect friends.

And we don´t see this few sweet people loving us.

We wanna see big Miracles

and don´t mind the small ones.

We want something amazing to happen when we open up our eyes .

But THAT we open our eyes is the Miracle.

Every day HaShem gives us  , every breath and every challenge

mackes us stronger and makes us to what we are.

Unique , loving, accepting strong humans

Praising his name and living in his Mercy.

And the important thing about that is to do not EVER EVER forget to say thank u.

And even more important as I notice these days when I ´m in need of that.

Tell I LOVE U . and show it .

It could make someones day .
Make his tears dry 
and feel importanat to someone.
Enlighten his heart.
Always let ur eyes sparkle and ur heart shine for the people surrounding u .

And HaShem will shine trough ur heart.