So much to write about.
I was on a Zwst Machane which was really cool but SO not my Life .
And now it feels so funny how that really non-religious event brought me closer to my faith .
Shabbes : You look around and everyone sits there typing sms or playing some game on their cell phones .
And u ask urself why don´t they see Shabbes from ur perspective ?
Why don´t they feel like it was the day of love the day of joy ?
WHy don´t their hearts beat higher when they hear Lecha Dodi ?
It is so sad. 
I met two girls who i knew from Am Echad this year .
Two really cute 12 year olds i really had missed .
And one of them leaned over to me at Shabbes and told me that she feels so sorry for me not beeing jewish and that she sees how much it means to me and how i love judaism that she feels sorry that she can´t give me her Judaism.
That really brought tears into my eyes .
She´s such a kitty.
And as we were the only who washed their hands before the bread we went together.
They didn´t know anything bout Jewishkeit before that summer .
And in the moments i convince them to go and wash their hands with me and from their sweet mouths comes the bracha i just feel like all my wishes came true and it´s the most beautifull moment of my life .
And it breaks my heart that they don´t love it like i do .
I want to see their eyes sparkle when they talk about Shabbes .
And their heart jumping out hearing 600 people singing Shma .
How I love that , my love could light up the whole world.
But there are people and institutions that won´t let me ,
and it´s sad , not for them but for the thousands of jewish children .




Our train was delayed and i was truly afraid that we would be late for Shabbes .
But then i said to Mila : We have to pray .
So she started to say Shma and the train started rolling .
CAn U imagine ??
In that freaking moment .
Thank u HaSHem for that . 
That u show us your face of glory in moments we need u .
Because all I wanted was to see Sophie .
Dear i hope u read that .
I miss u and it was so cool to just walk around and talk to you that i miss u even more now.
I hope the Shabbes plans will work out.
Because there is still so much to tell and to hear .
I love u so so so much like just few people .
I wish u everything good in that world and I believe u deserve it !
So just be happy and continue beeing u !


And it feels so bad to come home from any trip like that .
Just people around u that are cold , cold ,cold.
No warmth in their eyes or hearts , at least not for me .
And everything i can do is just try to smile to everyone and warm them up.
Last evening i thought bout that .
Isn´t that what Shma says?

And these words that I command you today shall be in your heart.

V'shinan'tam l'vanekha v'dibar'ta bamAnd you shall teach them diligently to your children, and you shall speak of them

b'shiv't'kha b'veitekha uv'lekh't'kha vaderekh uv'shakh'b'kha uv'kumekha when you sit at home, and when you walk along the way, and when you lie down and when you rise up.

to show off HaShem´s love everywhere and make the world a better place , on the street at home and in school and everywhere .
So let´s try maybe we can let the world shine !

Childhood Cancer.

Cancer is a really hard and sadly common disease.
Sadly many people are sick and not everyone survives that battle.
In the last days I read a few blogs of patrents handling with their children having cancer .


That breaks my heart , looking at pics of that little beautifull fragile cuties laying in the hospital with that medical things all around them.
And they smile .
They smile the purest and lovliest smile .
I have no children and maybe I cannot imagine how it feels for parents but if this pictures bring me to tears even after 100 times looking on them I can.


Sure adults deal with cancer too and it´s sad it´s really sad .
In my friends family someone lost the battle .
And it´s so hard losing a loved one.


But that are children .
They just started living , they have so much to discover , they have to love they have to laugh and to play with friends.


And I pray for them everyday and I hope u do also !


But it´s Hashem ruling the world and every sick child maybe already finished it´s mission.
http://prayfordaisy.com/ ! Check that out and pray for that sweetheart .


This Shabbat should be special .
And I hope u will also pray for them with tears in ur eyes and hope they will be recovered and carefree .


As children should be .

'Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord;  O Lord, hear my voice.  Let your
ears be attentive to my cry for mercy.

it´s my favourite passage from the holy book. So authentic and heartbreaking.

                                oh gosh soo cuute <3

It´s Valentine´s day

So today is Valentine´s day and evryone is like OMG
I don´t think much of that.
I mean i think it was just invented to make money , sell roses and chocolates.




People if u love someone tell him everyday , every second not just today.
That´s funny.

That pic a really close lovely friend of mine sent me .:)
Love that !



Mila, Ewa, Emilia, Sophie and all my other dearest lovliest friends all over the world.
I LOVE U !

It´s not about the Greats , it´s just about the feelings that come across.

Oh is Impulsiveness an illness ?
Can I cure myself ?
Is it that bad ?
I mean oh I always put my whole emotions and my whole heart in things I like.
And if I´m so into that I can´t handle with critics.
Oh man.


Today I had English lesson.
I love English and I love speaking English .
And that´s the only thing I can say I´m really good in and doing it with great pleasure.
But I always fight with all my English teachers.
I don´t even know why.
But with that new one I was pretty good.
But she always gets something to tell  me I´m too bad .
Once she tells me I talk to long .
The other time she tells me she doesn´t like my behavious even if I´m just asked for a pen .
I mean she is nice and I don´t wanna say she´s not.
That type of super motivated blondy´s who want to tell us that we learn for us not for them.
Somewehere between in the end of their 20´s and in the beginning of their 30´s.
And all people like her .
But I don´t know why I can´t come along with her.


Maybe it´s not because of her , maybe it´s just because of my own emotional instability.
But I am f.cked up.
And today she looks at me and say´s : 
`` I´m annoyed by ur Behaviour , Rebekka.``
And I did NOTHING! 
I just look at her and say nothing even if I wanted.
And she say´s :
`` Just roll ur eyes that makes it better ``
CAn u believe that ??
I was so hyper inside I almost cried.
I just hate false judgements !


And she tells me I´m not good enough for being a very good English student.
But do I want too much , by being just very good in one damn thing in my damn life?
I work for it and I believe that I can and than some blondy-teacher comes across and tells me I can´t.
It´s just like if soemone beats u into ur face.
And say´s:
Wake up honey, u are just one of all these grey people whos simply exist .
U aren´t worth anything.


And that´s what noone understands it´s not that stupid English Great.
It´s just that I want to do or know something I could be proud of.
People say everyone´s got a talent .
But I´m jsut tired of searching.
I´m just tired and sad. 
Sad that´s all.


But now I´m listening to that , that makes my life a little brighter.

Holden back Wings

So much happened ,

so much to write about .

But I´m not in the mood ,

I´m to lazy to write it down , to share it with the world .

All I can say is that I feel :

Like a bird in a cage

I try so hard but I can´t fly away.

``A man is just a man,

Filled of faults and weakness,

Four A.M. Jerusalem all alone and speechless.

Nighttime, nobody's home, roam streets in darkness.

I feel I'm just a man, flesh and bones, homeless.``

Matisyahu u make my days again and again <3